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04 May 2025

It's almost summer in the north so you know what that means? Driveway vagina!
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I went out to buy some bread and a role of twine for plants. I came back and there was an open garbage bag in my driveway up against the wall of the garage. Our driveways are in the back off the ally.

I went into the garage to get some gloves 'cause I don't know whats in that thing right? I look inside the bag and see some tube socks. a pair of running shoes, an empty clear plastic container and other random things and a white bag. I don't really want to reach inside so I pick up the garbage bag to put it in the bin.

But.

It's heavy.

Far too heavy for what I could see inside. So, I decide to look inside the white bag inside the garbage bag.

Tits, ass, and vag in glorious silicone.

I dumped the whole thing in the bin.

I went in the house and washed my hands and then made dinner. After dinner I sat down and checked the security video to see who had left such a fine harbinger of summer.

I saw the dude put the bag in my drive just a few minutes before I came home but even more interesting, I saw him come by just a short while after I came in. He looked around the driveway then came through the gate and opened the bin. He then retrieved his bag from the bin and went on his way.

He was, on the return trip, carrying a drug store bag so I guess he may have stashed his stuff at my place so he could pick something up at the store.

Had he been dumpster diving? Or could the stuff have been stolen? An ill-gotten booty as it were.

I doubt I shall ever know and I am just fine with that.

posted by: arse_hat at: 19:56 | 4 comments

That is wild!

I recently installed security cameras after two weird incidents. I'd put the bag from the small bin in my bedroom - full of nasty stuff like used cotton balls, q-tips, etc. - into the wheelie bin outside my back door. I did this on a Friday morning before my cleaning ladies arrived. The bin men come on Tuesdays on an alternate schedule, so one week trash, one week recycling. On the Monday evening I got my kitchen trash bag to put into the bin and... it was empty. The bedroom bag had gone.

I wondered if I might have mistakenly left the bag by the back door the previous Friday and my cleaners had disposed of it. I felt embarrassed, as it's not something I'd expect them to do.

Two weeks later, on the Friday morning, I made absolutely sure I'd put the bag in the bin. But by the Monday night, it had gone. I felt a bit scared. I knew it wasn't a fox - foxes don't go into bins that don't have food in them, and if they do, they knock the bin over and scatter the contents.

I got my upstairs neighbour to check the little camera they have to cover our porch, which would show anyone walking down to my back garden gate (which is padlocked from the inside, and there's no other access to the garden). There was nothing. It was a mystery, but one which spooked me.

So, cameras front and back now, which have already come in handy as the front one caught some thieves stealing tools from a van, and the police were able to catch them pretty quickly, much to everyone's amazement. I can follow Rudi's comings and goings at night, in and out of the cat flap every hour, going who knows where. His nemesis, Fat Ralphie from down the street, is so fat that he registers as a person on the camera!

The mystery of who stole my dirty tissues and q-tips remains unsolved, however.

posted by senyar 05 May | 04:54

That's weird.

posted by arse_hat 05 May | 13:25

Also, now I'm picturing a big cat coming up your street riding a mobility scooter. My knees just ain't what they used to be y'know?

posted by arse_hat 05 May | 13:30

That would indeed be unsettling for each of you.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure"

Senyar, you can choose to believe it was Fat Ralphie in your bin....

posted by mightshould 08 May | 06:13

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